November 1st. 

It was a year ago tonight that I had my fun with Young Buck and I'm still kinda proud of myself for leaving in the middle of the night.

Also, today would have been Grandma Sylvia's birthday and since she told my mother she did not want to live to see her next birthday I am raising a virtual glass of scotch (her favorite) in honor of Grandma, knowing she's where she wanted to be.  This brings me peace.

My mother called earlier tonight and had a friend with her (someone I know).   I was put on speaker phone and she asked me to tell them both how I feel about my aunt. 

WTF?

Yes, my mother and her sister have a contentious relationship and my aunt is very hard on her, without reason, but don't put me on the spot like that.

Someone please make this sinus headache go away.

Last Friday Dave formally accepted the DC job offer.  We talked about what this change means to us in depth Thursday night and then we spent our longest time ever together, from Friday after work until about 45 minutes ago, and it was a terrific experience.  

Saturday we drove around most of the day looking for lampshades and then met my friend Dave, the ex-Mormon guy, at Fiddler's Green in Winter Park.  I knew the two Dave's would get along and they did and it was a lot of fun.

Last night after our adventure at the beach and the lighthouse we made dinner at his place and for the first time it felt like we were living together and I loved that feeling.  He did, too.  That made me feel very hopeful toward our future because one of Dave's concerns is me moving to DC down the road and finding out we're not compatible while living together.  Yeah, that would be an expensive mistake.  But now I think we'll be fine when it comes to that point.

Today we had a lazy morning and then went to a movie matinee at 2:00 and saw the new Star Trek.  I'm not a trekkie, never have been, but the choices were slim pickings and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the movie!

Now I'm back home, doing laundry and preparing for the work week.  I was dismissed for jury duty for tomorrow, Tuesday, but have to call back in tomorrow night to see if I'm called for Wednesday.

It amazes me how easy it is to say those three little words and mean it, and have them said back to you.  The words flow naturally from my mouth.  They never feel forced and I never feel worried or uncomfortable about saying them.  On the flip side I still get a tingle when Dave says it out of the blue as it sounds so right and so heart-felt.

I thought I loved the J person and maybe I did at one time but deep down I knew it wasn't reciprocated.  He had his excuses and I bought them but now for the first time in my life I know what it's like to love and to be loved.  And it's wonderful.

Seriously, something has to give as I'm not made out of money.  First the new roof last June, then needing to buy a new car, then the behind the wall pipe leak, I'm having periodontal work done and my insurance only covers part of it, and now my refrigerator is on the fritz.  I went to Home Depot tonight to price them and they're not cheap, and it's not like I'm looking at fancy stainless steel or anything.  My current fridge is 21 years old so it's probably long overdue for replacement.  I recently paid off one credit card and it looks like that zero balance won't last for too long.

Delivery time is three to five days.  Shit, I wonder if that includes weekends.  Good thing I don't have much in my fridge right now because I'd hate for a lot of food to spoil.  I think I'll bring my frozen items (Lean Cuisines, some poultry) to work and leave it in the freezer in the break room.  No one will mess with it.

So yeah, I need to win the lottery right about now.

Seriously, am I ever?  I went to the MatzoBall last night and met a guy and he asked for my number about 20 minutes in.  He talked about what we could do on our first date and brought up subsequent dates as well and said other stuff like as soon as he saw me he wanted to talk to me, that he hadn't talked to any other girls, etc.  Why does that sort of stuff get on my nerves?  I should be thrilled that a seemingly decent guy asked for my number (which I gave to him) instead of being turned off because I thought he laid it on a little too thick.

Right now I am beyond stressed.  There's a leak somewhere near the floor in my half bath (same thing happened earlier this year and it was my neighbor's pipe) as well as a leak behind the wall that I've determined is coming from the sink in the master bath which is upstairs because it needs a new faucet, plus tonight I discovered a leak underneath my kitchen sink.   On top of that my car is starting to act up.  I have a service order into the plumber but they won't be here until sometime Wednesday afternoon as it's really not an emergency. 

I do have a home warranty but I can already count the money piling up and I'm freaking out.  If only I could go back to renting because homeownership is bullshit at this moment.

Why does everything crap out at the same time?

I've been corresponding with a new guy for a few weeks and on paper I'm ready to propose marriage to the guy.  I asked for his number several days ago and finally called this afternoon and left a message.  This is moving a little too slowly for me as I'd like to meet in person and I know he's interested because he's told me so.  I think this is the sort of thing where I need to make the first move.

Must be patient.

Last night I dreamed that Jeff asked to meet me somewhere and, of course, he never showed.  But also in the dream I was babysitting Jessica and we had so much fun together!  I'm sure there's no deep meaning to any of this other than me wanting to know that Jessica is doing well.

It's been an incredible past seven or eight days.  Last weekend was one blast after another from going out with the girls on Halloween to bowling to a second date that ended up being a last date to my late night romp with Young Buck.  Then there was the election on Tuesday (YAY!!) and the TIna Turner concert on Wednesday (also yay!) to some feeling up fun with that guy at work on Thursday and finally softball last night.  I'm happy but pooped!

This morning I went to the mall to buy some new bras and also got professionally fitted for the first time ever and wouldn't you know it, I've been wearing the wrong cup size all along.  The fitter was so cute, an older Jewish woman (what else?) and she's been with Macy's since the earth cooled.

I'm still having fun on Facebook.  However, some friends of mine (a married couple I've known since college-- before they got married) keep sending me religious based shit from flair to invitations to join groups.  Both are very conservative and very religious Christians and that's fine for them but not for me and I feel like they're proselityzing and I hate that.  You know, gotta save the Jewish disbeliever!  Any suggestions on how to ask them to stop?

After work today I stopped at the local library to do early voting.  The line was long but moved steadily and it took me about 50 minutes but everyone was in a great mood, no one bitched or moaned, and the volunteers were absolutely lovely people.  It was a very long day for them as some of them had been there since 7:00AM.  There was a young girl on line behind me voting in her first national election and she was nervous, afraid she would screw up or didn't have the right form of ID.  She was very sweet and kept asking me lots of questions and I assured her she would be fine.

So yay, I voted.

Today is the one year break up anniversary date and I am feeling surprisingly good!  It's a gorgeous day outside so I plan on spending a good amount of time outdoors.

It was a year ago today that Jeff moved out.  He flew to Wichita that day and had to be at the airport very early so I woke up with him (I loved the way he looked in uniform) and we spent a very tender moment in the kitchen saying goodbye-- for the day, or so I thought.  When he landed back in Orlando mid afternoon he called me at work as he always did and we had a regular conversation.  Of course he was gone when I got home from work and my place looked and felt so empty.

This Sunday is the year anniversary of the break up.  I'm really trying not to dwell on it but I'm not looking forward to it either.

I read the newspaper every day.  I watch the news every night.  Yet somehow I did not know about today's Barack Obama rally until a coworker told me about it this morning.  The rally started at 6:00PM but I had stuff I needed to do tonight so I couldn't go on such short notice.  Dammit.  HE was there!  So was Hillary!  My friend Lisa said she'd call when Obama started speaking but she never did (and I'm not upset, I'm sure she just forgot.)

Fuckity fuck.  That was the closest to a (hopefully) President I may have ever gotten.

Thanks to Deb for turning me on to Facebook.  It's been a blast reconnecting with old childhood friends, friends from college, etc.

Late Sunday morning I had a date with a new guy and we met at a coffee shop.  What is it with guys showing up for a first date wearing shorts and sneakers?  Granted I'm no fashion plate but there's no better way to turn me off than to not put any effort into your appearance.  If we were doing an outdoors activity I'd understand it but to meet at an establishment?  I don't care if this is Florida and things are more casual, wear jeans at least.

This morning I went to a Qwest lab to have bloodwork done and also pee in a cup (that was a surprise.)  I walked out at the same time as this nice looking man and we chatted our way into the parking lot.  He wasn't wearing a ring, not that it means anything, and I wish I had the cajones to ask him if he wanted to grab a bite.  After all I had to fast before the bloodwork so there's a possiblity he did too.  He got into a very nice car and then there's me in my little Echo.  

Dammit.

October used to be my favorite month.  Now?  Not so much.   I am trying very hard not to dwell on the fact that the 26th will be a year since Jeff broke up with me but I'm afraid it's going to be a very difficult day.  I don't miss him and don't even think about him that often but have been thinking a lot about Jessica lately.  Maybe I need to push her out of my head as well but that's so hard to do.

Had a great time at the karaoke club Saturday night for Sir Mitch-A-Lot's birthday.  Dave went with me and the two of them hit it off (they geeked out on their jobs, which are similar).

As for Dave I'm feeling confused again.  He got back to town last Friday night after being away for more than a week and I had a phone message from him when I got home from softball that night and in it he said he forgot what a sexy voice I had.  Hmm, never knew I had one.  We met Saturday before Mitchy's party and had dinner first and he was rather complimentary toward my looks but in a shy, awkward way.  Once we got to the club and started drinking Dave got very playful and lightly punched me in the arm several times, pinched my leg, and even took a swipe at my ass when I told him I no longer had one after dancing it off at my reunion a few weeks ago.  We even signed up to do a karaoke duet (Summer Nights from Grease) but left before they ever got to us.

Then, he called last night.

I don't know what's going on or even what to feel.  Both Mitchy and his lovely wife think Dave and I make a good couple but is that what I want, and is that even a reality?

Yesterday at work I was looking for an old email in my Outlook archive file and came across many pieces of correspondence with Jeff from early on in our dating, lots of mushy gushy stuff.  I'd saved them long ago and read all of them after the break up but upon finding the emails yesterday I did not hesitate to hit that delete button.

I had such a blast, such an amazing time at the 25 year high school reunion!!!!  Valerie was awesome in driving me to and from the party and for doing an incredible job with the rest of the planning committee.  I can't wait to see the pictures!  Finally, I felt good about myself.  I went in with the attitude that I am a leading lady and not to be intimidated or afraid of my former classmates and to actually make an effort to talk to them.  Sure, I had a couple of moments where I felt lonely and stood by myself but I did what I had to do to change that and had SO MUCH FUN!!! 

One thing I didn't expect was all the compliments I received and for those of you who've known me a long time you know I'm uncomfortable receiving compliments.  The other thing I didn't expect was that my classmate's impressions of me from back in high school were far different than my impressions of myself.  I thought I was a bottom of the barrel loser, a total misfit, but they seemed to think I was a nice person who just happened to be shy.  Who knew?

I danced so much that today, two days later, my toes are still numb.  Yikes, did I do some permanent damage?  My shoes weren't uncomfortable but clearly they weren't meant for any long term hardcore dancing.

Man, I'm still flying high.  Aside from Valerie I doubt I'll see or keep in close contact with anyone until our next reunion but I don't care!